There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
