i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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