look no pants
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
