I cockslap morals
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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