Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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