Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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