So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
