He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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