zippers are such a cool invention
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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