??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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