I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
