I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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