dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
