I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
