you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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