im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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