Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
