My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
