I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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