I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
