I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
