I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Text me some of your sweat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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