it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
