But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
