Dude my mom stole all your condoms
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
