We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
