Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
