genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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