U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
