Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
