Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
