went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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