My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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