I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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