another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you had me at cake vodka
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
