did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
