if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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