you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
