hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You ruined the universe
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize