Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
