I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
