Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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