Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
