I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dicks are not precious.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
