Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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