Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
