I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
