Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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