Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
