What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
