if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Alive.
So much puke
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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