im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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