Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
