you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
