Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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