i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize