How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
