my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
