i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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