Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize