Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
