Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
