he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
