My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
nutella sex= disaster
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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