First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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