I accidentally had phone sex last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
