This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need a beard to bite.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
