maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
