why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
