Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
not ubering you a puppy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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