At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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