i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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