Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
