loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
